A Fake Left-hander in a Right-handed world

I’m left-handed. Kinda.

I guess I’m not fully left-handed because the only thing I do with my left hand consistently is write/draw. Here is what I do with my right hand or foot:

  1. Throw balls
  2. Use a fork/spoon
  3. Use a computer mouse
  4. Play guitar/banjo
  5. Use scissors
  6. Kick balls (I don’t usually do this at all if I have the option)

This does allow me to do some things that other people can’t. Sometimes I write notes down with my left hand while simultaneously using the mouse to scroll or click on links, which is a pretty cool trick if you ask me. Sometimes if I have to write on a chalk or whiteboard I accidentally start writing with my right hand and then realize it and switch to my left. Wha happen?

The downside to my selective and confusing ambidexterity is that it makes me feel like this:

It’s time to pick a side!

I read the wikipedia entry on left-handedness the other day and I think I would like to be a part of the glorious fraternity of leftys. Here are some fun facts about them:

  1. Left-handed people as a group have historically produced an above-average quota of high achievers.
  2. Left-handers’ brains are structured differently in a way that widens their range of abilities, and the genes that determine left-handedness also govern development of the language centers of the brain.
  3. The increase in the 20th century of people identifying as left-handed could produce a corresponding intellectual advance and a leap in the number of mathematical, sporting, or artistic geniuses.
  4. Researchers at John Hopkins University found that left-handed men are 15 percent richer than right-handed men for those who attended college, and 26 percent richer if they graduated.
  5. Peoples of the Andes consider that left-handers possess special spiritual abilities, including magic and healing.
  6. One out of seven left-handers processes language using both sides of the brain, compared with just one out of twenty in the general (predominantly right-handed) population.

Sign me up, cuz! Magic healing powers? 26 percent richer? Niiiiiiice! (Borat. So fresh and current.)

Starting today I will now self-identify as a pure left-hander. Mostly because it’s easier to explain than all that stuff I just wrote.

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2 thoughts on “A Fake Left-hander in a Right-handed world

  1. I am also part of this confused society. Maybe we can just be the “indies” of the hand people (that would be a cool band name.) I write right handed and play any sport that learned before age 8 with my left hand. I also like the reference to Fred Willard in “A Mighty Wind,” “Wha Happened?!”

  2. I was born left handed… but my grandparents forced me to write with my right hand… Now I write with my right hand, but most of the things I do is left handed 🙂

    btw, nice post

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